Thursday, October 25, 2007

BIOPSY

So, you’ve probably been wondering where I’ve been the past month?
Well, the truth is that I’ve been waiting for yet another colposcopic examination. What this really means is that I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about cancer, life, death and the usual spectrum of Amyesque obsessions (so I haven’t felt much like blogging).

Many of you know that this has been an on going drama in my life since I was in my early twenties and that my experience with Cancer and Endometriosis played an enormous part in my artwork up until recent years. Many fans of my earlier work have missed my angst ridden, emotionally charged, feminist statements and have been baffled by (and scorned) the more recent obsession with flowers. The only answer I have for the change in subject matter is that my art is my life. After I gave birth to my son, the Endometriosis pains subsided and became less of a burden in my daily life, which for some reason kind of made it easier to ignore the Cancer issue. Meaning I have been living in denial for the past 4 years and skipped out on going to the doctors until a few months ago. My excuse? I was content in my denial and more importantly I’ve been busy being a full time mother. I haven’t exactly had an abundance of *me* time, much less time for doctor’s appointments or anything else for that matter. So I’ve painted what I can, when I can, just to paint (in short bursts of time and with many interruptions). Deep thinking doesn’t happen for me in a minute to minute based schedule. To create deep, soul ripping, heart rendering, emotive art, one needs to be able to take time out to cry and scream and wallow and be angry and quite frankly - self absorbed to delve into those really dark places. And that one wouldn’t be me at this point in time. Not with a child who depends on me. Right now I am doing my best to be as contained and controlled as I can – not that it is saying much if you know me… But whatever the case, priorities have changed. My life is for and about Caden. Instead of sharing/exposing my emotions to create art that *might* have an impact on the academic/art/feminist world; I’m struggling to contain these emotions so I can have a positive impact on one child’s world.

Anyway, days passed. Angst was contained. Life went on – just with out my daily blogging...

But now I’m back! I finally had my colposcopy and biopsies yesterday and the doctor felt optimistic from her initial observations that the biopsy results would NOT yield a cancer diagnosis. Phew! Of course I have to wait until the *official* biopsy results before I can do my happy dance, but overall, I’m feeling pretty relieved.

How’s that for introspection? Too much information? Ah yeah, probably more then you bargained for so I’ll leave it at that, but before I drop the subject I thought I’d further traumatize you by sharing an angst ridden painting from 1995. The piece below was a homework assignment from my junior year at Parson’s, illustrating an emotional personal experience. I remembered this piece while I was in the stirrups yesterday. I spent the better part of this morning digging through painting storage in order to see it again. After all that effort, I had to share:



It’s not my best work but it makes the point. My deepest apologies to those of the other gender! Don’t run away! I do have lighter (less personal) stuff to share soon so don’t be scared off by this post!

3 comments:

Miachelle said...

It's good to see you back. I was not aware of your medical issues, and was wondering what happened to you.

I will pray that your doctor is indeed correct, and you will have the certificate of health bestowed upon you.

As for little time for yourself...many of us share your thoughts on that. It doesn't matter what the reason is-work, children, or combinations of both. True friends will realize that about you, and admire your work because it displays the point of where you are in your life.

XO
Miachelle

Betzie said...

Hi Amy!!!
Good to see...well, not in that position, but you know what I mean!!! That pic does say it all though and I had to laugh, even though it is anything but funny when you are the victim...which I will be in just a few weeks. Ugh...just my annual, but that's bad enough.
I pray you are full of radiant good health and that your son continues to be the true "art" of your life. I know my sons continue to be mine as teenagers, and now I wish I'd made more!!!
Keep playing and sending good vibes your way!
Betzie

Exalted Beauty said...

Thank you Miachelle and Betzie!
Your comments mean the world to me. It is nice to know I have such a great support system out there.
B - good luck with your upcoming exam! I'm glad you were able to relate to the painting! :) Amy